Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Make me a cow near Yogi Adityanath's home in next birth; Man tells Yamraj his last wish

With the recent focus on beef ban and Gau Rakshak squads gaining prominence, the rising status of cows has left people and animals jealous and deprived of attention. The issue has gained so much importance that even Yamraj, the god responsible for taking humans to heaven and hell, hasn't been spared.

In a bizarre incident, a man named Gaushal has claimed that he saw Yamraj calling out his name to leave the Earth, but he set a condition in front of Yamraj as his last wish if he wanted to take him away. When Yamraj asked Gaushal about his wish, Gaushal told him that he wanted to be a cow near Yogi Adityanath's home in his next birth.

"I want to live life peacefully and produce biogas. I want people who can protect me, people who feed me and play with my gobar. I want people to respect me and let me sit in the middle of the road while I munch upon freshly picked grass. And, I want to be sure that I'm not becoming beef after death. Yogiji's UP promises everything for me as a cow!", Gaushal told a surprised Yamraj.

Yamraj, in his traditional style tried bargaining with Gaushal and offered to make him a cow in Saudi Arabia, to which Gaushal trembled and asked for mercy. He was then offered the life of a street vdog in Delhi, which Gaushal again refused to accept. "I don't want to be beaten up every single night! I don't want people to do to me what I've done to dogs all my life!", replied Gaushal.

Yamraj, who has a rule to decide in less than 180 seconds, could not come to a decision with Gaushal and wanted the intervention of the HOD of Yamraj University on this matter. The HOD has reportedly told Yamraj that such requests have been rising exponentially in the last few days and if all these are accepted, we could soon have more cows than humans in Uttar Pradesh.

Meanwhile, other animals have expressed their resentment towards the biased behavior of humans towards cows. Ram Lal, a dog near Yogi Adityanath's home has decided to bark throughout the night to draw attention towards his apathy.

British government tricks India- to rename Mallya as "Kohinoor" before returning him

After arresting Vijay Mallya on India's request, the British government has now decided to rename Vijay Mallya as "Kohinoor" as it feels that he is a diamond for India. The decision came after a cabinet meeting held in London, where the ministers realized that India wanted Mallya as much as the Kohinoor.

"We thought of returning the Kohinoor to India last week. But the Indian government had been requesting Mallya's extradition to India and we thought of 'ek teer se do nishaane'", said Theresa May, the Prime Minister of Britain after the cabinet meeting.

The Kohinoor diamond had been taken away by the Britishers during their imperial rule in India. Subsequent government's have requested Britain to return the diamond but all requests have been willfully ignored. "India has produced two wonderful diamonds. One has a value in millions which we stole from India, the other has stolen millions and has been sent by India. We see both of them as diamonds worth millions and therefore India should be happy that Vijay Kohinoor Mallya is finally returning to India.", Theresa added in her press statement.

Meanwhile, Vijay Mallya has asked the British government for a loan so that he can take bail and avoid going to jail. The British government has reportedly told Mallya that if the loan is not repaid, he will have to give "teen guna lagaan" along with selling Virat Kohli to the England cricket team from Royal Challengers Bangalore.

The Indian government has released a statement saying that India is more than happy to get a 2 in 1 package from Britain in the form of Vijay Kohinoor Mallya.