Thursday, May 2, 2019

The fucked up elections



Modi, Mayawati, Rahul, Mamta
Jo marzi aa jaaye,
Iss desh ka nahi hona kuch ghanta

282 seats and a clear majority,
The nation was set to change,
And of course it did.. change the notes.

I screamed with excitement,
"Modi ne black money ki maarli!!"
1 saal baad bada dukh hua,
Jab RBI ne bola, dude, 99% money is back in the economy

Par Modi ne bola tha,
Bahot hua naari pe vaar, Ab ki baar Modi Sarkaar,
But a report last year said Nirbhaya fund was unused,
While politicians bought vaddi-vaddi cars

100 Smart cities banengi,
Halla ye macha tha,
Modi hai uss aunty ki tarah,
Fair and Lovely hai raaz jinki twacha ka

Surgical strike se mujhe bhi josh aaya tha,
Pakistan ki MKB main bhi chillaya tha,
Jawaan ke pass na saaf paani, na dhang ka khaana,
Par Modi ko toh Army ka credit apni chhaati pe hai chipkaana

But what the fuck can I do?
Because I keep asking myself,
If not Modi,
Then Who? Batao bhai who?

Ek taraf Rahul hai,
Dusri taraf Mayawati UP wali,
Iss se acha toh main Bangladesh bhaag jau,
Kyuki Mamta didi ne kar dia hai wo khaali

Maha-gathbhandhan is the only alternative,
"Sab mile hue hai ji" said Kejriwal a few years back,
Full of politicians who were once rivals,
He now wants to be a part of this dirty stack

With all his mighty words,
Modi seems like a true nationalist,
But a quick look at his candidates across the country,
Koi hai murderer, toh koi hai rapist

Pulwama ke shaheedo ke naam pe vote do,
He raised both his hands up towards the sky,
From where a plane had crashed killing an HAL pilot,
His wife (Garima Abrol) fighting out a battle to understand why..

But let's not forget,
Ambani and Adani are flaunting a new shine,
One got a defence deal without ever making a plane,
The other got dense forests to dig a coal mine..

Par desh ka yuwa jaag chuka hai,
Ab wo uthke 1 GB data khatam karega,
Employment aur missing data ki maa ki aankh,
Wo whatsapp pe Hindu Musalmaan pe ladega

Par kya karein sahab,
Saamne wo aadmi hai jiska nasha koi nahi samjha,
72000 aur 72000 crore mein kya difference hai,
Mujhe toh lagta hai he is always high on Gaanja

Main tumhare dharm aur caste ka hu,
Isliye you should vote for me,
Iss hi chakkar mein election nikal gaya,
Asli mudda koi samjha hi nahi

But how bad will it be,
If Mayawati becomes the prime minister?
Bharke crime, badi statues and reservation everywhere,
Uth jao saalo, apna desh hai, we should care!

Nearly a million people died of pollution last year,
Par uss se kya fark padta hai,
Election toh bas wo party jeetegi,
Jiska bhakt hindu ko bachaane ke liye ladta hai


Koi press reporter nahi puchta Swacchh Bharat ka status,
Sab puchte hai "Modiji aap kyu nahi thakkte?"
Par 70 saal mein yehi hai pehla PM,
Jisey pata tha ki shauch khule mein nahi karte

Lokpal ke liye Ramlila Maidan main bhi gaya tha,
Topi pehen ke bola tha "Main bhi Anna",
Kejriwal said corruption khatam kar denge,
Par ab mann karta hai dedu usme ganna,

But then came Modi,
And repeated 'bahot hua bhrashtachaar",
But just to elect the first Lokpal head,
Usne lagaaye saal poore chaar

Aur Rahul manifesto mein kehta hai,
Main karunga corruption khatam,
Fir aao bhai aur karo investigate,
Apni mummy, behen aur jijaji ke karam

And then Modi passed a finance bill,
To make all political foreign funding legal,
Na koi question karega, na unki hogi investigation,
BC mere toh 5 rupay ki transaction ko bhi rakhte ho under observation


Rahul talks about decriminalizing sedition,
Aur kehta hai AFSPA hatao,
Bhakt kehte hai ki ye bada khatra hai
Arey dono zara iska full form toh batao

Education would be the focus,
I wanted to Modi to say,
Jab bola dikhao apni aur Smriti ki degree,
Toh dono buri tarah bhadak gaye

Though I must admit,
Railways, highways and infrastructure are booming,
Airports, waterways and Solar energy are the focus,
And these will surely set the growth curve zooming

But something is seriously wrong,
Pakistan ko gaali dena is the definition of nationalism,
No one cares about education, agriculture and health,
Kahan hai bhai isme rationalism?

Loan waivers is not the solution,
Give farmers what they need,
Respect, fair price, technology and transparency,
This is what they need to succeed

Modi Modi, Rahul Rahul,
People everywhere are screaming,
Will I get an India where everyone is equal,
I just keep dreaming..

And finally, I would just like to repeat,
Modi, Mayawati, Rahul, Mamta
Jo marzi aa jaaye,
Iss desh ka nahi hona kuch ghanta