Sunday, May 10, 2015

'Dead' Shah Jahan wakes up from his grave due to intolerable stench from Yamuna

Agra was in for an early morning shock when Shah Jahan, the Mughal Emporer who dedicated the Taj Mahal to his wife Mumtaz, rose up from his grave with his face totally covered- coughing, sneezing and screaming. 

The Agra police was immediately informed by the local caretakers, who mistook Shah Jahan to be an aspiring Ram Lila actor of a local slum nearby. At first, Shah Jahan was beaten up by everyone present at the spot including the UP police, which also framed a few charges of recent unsolved thefts on Shah Jahan. No one was ready to buy Shah Jahan's argument that he really was 'The Mughal Emporer who built the Taj Mahal'. It was found that the accused, Shah Jahan aka Tittu, had extremely valuable diamonds with him which further strengthened UP police's case of robbery and theft.

Some even accused him of being, Tittu, an absconding patient from Agra's all-so-famous mental hospial. Tittu, who wanted everyone to call him Shah Jahan, kept screaming and weeping, constantly complaining about the intolerable smell from the Yamuna that filled his grave and made it unbearable for him to lie down anymore inside. He also said that he chose the wrong country to build the Taj Mahal and now he wants a refund from the builders who convinced him to choose Agra as the place to build the 'Monument of Love'.

"Koi nahi bakshaa jayega, pehle 20 hazaar haath kaate the, ab 1 crore sirr kaate jayenge!", screamed Tittu when contacted by Faking News reporter. Soon after, he fell unconscious as Ballu Singh, a police constable punched him on his head. "Arey kuch ni hai, bas iski khopdi sahi karne laagi hai, 2-4 bhaped ke theek kar denge", said Ballu.

To prove his identity, Shah Jahan asked reporters to take his history test, just like Munna's test in Lage Rago Munna Bhai. Some blamed "Chemical Locha" for Tittu's condition, but everyone was surprised when Tittu answered questions that even historians did not know. Meanwhile, Mayawati has asked for a CBI inquiry to determine if Shah Jahan belonged to her 'caste', failing which she will launch a protest march till the Taj Mahal.

On special request, Shah Jahan was taken for a round of Agra which he claimed was once the most beautiful city in the world. On seeing the traffic, garbage and the insensitive people, teary eyed Tittu wanted to go back to his grave and stay there forever.

Shah Jahan has also started a petition with to shift his Taj Mahal to a cleaner place, preferably outside India where he can rest in peace, literally. Politicians have started rushing towards Agra to support the cause, with Arvind Kejriwal terming him as "Janta ka Raja" and CM Akhilesh Singh honoring him with a Rs. 200 cheque as pension, which later bounced. PM Modi has asked Shah Jahan to meet him in some other country as he rarely stays in India.

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